


Ivan in Hell(a)

by Zoya1416



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: F/M, New Chapter up 2014- 3-28, Seduction, She wants what?!, Tiny Jewels pattering, Work, sexy wife, tropical paradise, work dammit!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Ivan, after two years on Ylla, paradise isn't what it used to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All Bujold's

“Um, kissy-kissy, yum, yum, I could just eat you up!”

Silence.

“UM, I'm licking your toes, I know you like that!”

More silence.

“NOW I am taking off my top, don't you like my boobies anymore?”

Strained silence, rustling of flimsies.

“NOW I AM stroking myself up and down, come on big boy, this lady needs you!”

“In a minute, please.”

“NO, I DO NOT BELIEVE you said that, you bad ambassador-man!”

“I really have to finish this report about the poisonous sea snakes. They're getting dangerous.”

“YOU ARE A TERRIBLE BAD BOY, AREN'T YOU? Have to work, boo-hoo.”

“Sweetie, I love you, but this is one of the two days a week I have to work.”

“BAD BOY! TEJ IS GOING TO HAVE TO PUNISH YOU!”

“Honey, we had sex three times yesterday and I'm just not as young as I used to be. Let's save it, baby.”

Silence. Sound of a very slippery tongue sliding up somebody's thigh.

“AKUTI TEJASWINI JYOTI ghem ESTIF ARQUA VORPATRIL, PLEEESE STOP TRYING TO SEDUCE ME!”

Shocked silence. Sniffles. Running away and slamming doors.

Ivan threw his head back in the big hammock, closing his eyes to the view of the golden Yllan landscape, the odd but lovely deep blue-green vegetation, and the wide, shining, corrosive sea. He was in hell again.


	2. Simple Pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tej is still annoyed that Ivan doesn't want sex a fourth time in one day. She thinks up a new project for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All LMB's. Playing in her sandbox.

"Ivan, I want to do something else besides lie in the hammock getting a tan."

"Oh?" Why she always tried to interrupt him on his work days he did not know, but he was better at managing it now. He put down his flimsies and smiled at her.

"I want to have triplets."

"Ah, triplets?" Now he was stunned. Fatherhood would be exciting, and he wanted children some day, but hadn't planned on being asked to start three replicators at once. 

" What's the matter with one at a time?"

"Oh, they'd be such fun running around. And I want to get the biogenetic samples from Lady Moira so they can all be Jewels"

He was immediately, involuntarily, drenched in cold sweat, and he knew she could smell it. Ivan tried hard to think of a decent response. Not that he didn't love his brothers and sisters in law who made up the fantastically colored dance troupe of the Jewels, but he didn't want to have children who were green, or red, or...any skin colors except Tej's cinnamon one. She was particularly close to her blue sister Rish.

Tej narrowed her eyes at him. "I thought we could get them done in House Vorpatril colors--the hair and eyebrows all golden, and then a deeper blue than Rish's. What do you say?"

OH, GOD NO, he thought. He absolutely could not think of a single word. He wanted very much to return to Barrayar soon--he'd finished almost two years of his exile and was hoping to be recalled soon. Blue children! In Vorbarr Sultana! Although Rish had gotten accepted by being so far beyond common mutations that she hadn't trigger Barrayaran prejudices, he didn't think small children would be as kind. 

"Are you prejudiced, Ivan? You don't want children beyond normal colors?"

He tried to answer her. It came out in a croak."Err...Tej, don't think I don't love your family..." He swallowed. "But I've had thirty five years to see all the prejudice and lack of acceptance Miles has had to fight. And he's only a bit short with a slightly crooked spine. You know there are still people in the Dendarii's--and he LOVES the mountains, has worked like crazy to improve their lives--and some of them still make signs against the evil eye when they see him."

She was glaring at him. Brain, brain, engage now. Or you might as well jump in the corrosive and poisonous ocean and get it over with.

"I, um, always wanted children just like you. You know--I hope you know, I've told you so many times--that I think you are the most beautiful women I've ever know, in an experience which has covered many years and three planets. (It was more than three, but he thought the words had a historical feel to them.)

"I would love to have triplets. I know it's been dull here for you, even though you've shaken up the cultural world and brought galactic talent that Yllyans' never imagined. They have a ballet, orchestra, theater, and are beginning to get started on fashion because of you." And now he was rolling." Your taste is so refined it's the standard for every restaurant in the capital. You know they've all begged you to critique their dishes, and brought up their standards ten times what they were before. That's what I want in children. I don't have much to offer." 

His six foot handsome dark frame, with broad shoulders and narrow hips had caused many a Barrayaran girl to swoon, but he had not a shred of beauty compared to his exquisite wife.

"Honey, you can start...we can start...as many children as you want. I've, um, seen how chaotic it gets at Miles' house, and he only started at twins and has stopped at four. Plus Nikki. But--please help me on this--let's look at the possibilities with your palette and mine--if you can stand such an ugly mug."

She smiled wickedly. "I didn't really want Jewels, at least to start with. I do think your backward planet wouldn't treat them kindly. But let's start on babies tonight."

"Tonight? Don't you have to go to the counselor, and talk to a doctor, and and buy replicators and stuff?"

"Oh, I was thinking about the way babies were started back when. Although we'll do the cell replication in vitro like normal. But we could pretend we were starting babies, right?:

"This was another of your schemes, Tej, wasn't it? A scheme to get me in bed with you, again. You are wearing me out, women. Even those blue pills can carry me so far. I never thought I'd be in a position to have to say "No, later."

"Then don't. Finish your paper work and come inside where it's cooler. What do you want to play tonight?"

"Ah, surprise me. Except the baby talk. Anything but that."

"You bad ambassador man, Tej is mad at you," she cooed, getting out of the hammock. He shook his head, and smiled, patting her bottom as she started into their enchantingly designed and sybaritic house. Maybe staying out here another year wouldn't be so bad, after all.


End file.
